It is amazing what a difference a week can make. Two Saturdays ago, I found myself at home after dinner with the parents, relaxing and blabbing on about how responsible I am. Fast forward seven whole days, and I'm taking shots of tequila with Trinity at my house, prior to taking more shots of tequila at the bar to commemorate Cinco de Mayo like the good Gringa I am.
Our itinerary of debauchery was well planned. Through the course of about thirty emails last week, Trinity and I decided she would come to my town for the night. She would meet me at our usual day-drinking micro brew spot before we ventured on to a sponsored block party our friend's band was playing. Eventually, we would spend the rest of the night belting out Beastie Boys karaoke in memory of M.C.A. Sounded like a great plan, one reminiscent of my earlier Twenties. I only asked that I not wake up pregnant. We executed our plan fucking beautifully! Days later, we are still talking about how great it was to be so irresponsible for an evening.
Copious tequila shots were not my only irresponsible indulgence from the weekend though. I have developed a crush. A real, honest, omigodimsixteenagain, crush. I have known Phoenix for a few weeks, as he is Robo's new neighbor. He moved to my town less than two months ago, and is thus, the new (and yet to be tainted) guy in town. Really? A handsome man in my small mountain town that neither me or any of my friends have slept with? Get the fuck out - I've hit a gold mine! In all honesty, I wasn't thinking of him as a romantic partner when we met. I know my group of friends can be a little clique-y, as if we are the cool kids on the playground. So when I would see him venturing out on the town solo, I always made an effort to be friendly.
However, the platonic nature of my feelings towards Phoenix came to a screeching halt this weekend. As our quick greetings slowly started migrating to walking each other home, post happy-hour dinners, and spending hours on end with one another, people started to notice. At first, I would respond to inquiries about our status with "It's not like that. He's new here and I'm just trying to be friendly." After many prods from my guy friend, Cowboy, I finally just said "Okay. I admit it. I have a HUGE crush on Phoenix." I eventually let myself realize that as much as I try to fight it, I genuinely want to hang out with him. Like, every fucking day.
At the present time, my little (or not so little) crush on Phoenix is just that. There has been no holding hands, kissing, caressing, and certainly no fucking. But our conversations have certainly drifted from just random "getting to know you" bullshit to more deep and meaningful things. We talk about our families, our, pasts, our goals, our hopes for our futures, and most recently, what sort of things we like and dislike in relationships. I feel that I may be sensing some mixed signals from Phoenix. We spend a LOT of fun time together, but his lack of physical forwardness confuses me into thinking that perhaps this attraction being mutual is a fleeting thought. Cowboy on the other hand, says I have simply forgotten what it's like to be pursued by a gentleman: "Just because he hasn't tried to poke ya, doesn't mean he's not interested in ya. Now gimme me a dip."
So now, here I am. Obsessively checking my phone, tripping over myself when I hear it ring, asking Trinity to help me compose texts, and in general just over-analyzing every damn word or action I see from Phoenix. How immature and irresponsible can I be? But it sure is a lot of fun. Goddammit. As I have said before, the last thing my life needs is a man to come around and fuck it all up. My brain has more important shit to do.
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