Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Arriving



My last post was honestly quite down so I'd hoped to come back with something more upbeat to report.  Which is exactly what I am about to do.  So much in fact, I may be smug.  I may brag.  Deal with it.  Or not.

As I have stated before, (here, here, and most recently, here) I really fucking love my job.  This April will mark 10 years at my current profession.  I don't know many people who literally have ONE thing to put on their resume.  For that, I feel very fortunate.  In the last few days, something has clicked with me.  That I have arrived.  Cliche?  Definitely.  But I cannot think of any better way to describe how I feel in my professional life.

Last Thursday, I experienced the single most tiring and tedious, yet fulfilling day of my career.  For months, I have been working with other colleagues in my industry on a project that was unveiled at a the most posh and prestigious venue in my city.  Just being invited to work on the project is a tremendous honor in itself as the only vendors invited had to be considered only the best of the best.  The first half of the day was spent doing the "heavy lifting" and setting up our little masterpiece while the second half was standing in heels all dolled up and schmoozing with potential clients.  I already had a sense of pride that day as to what I was a part of.  But the cinch for me was late that night, when the head of the project, a veteran colleague who I respect very much in my industry, had a cocktail too many and proceeded to tell me how much she respected me and the level of professionalism I execute in my company.  It was magical and when I got to The Writer's apartment that night, I couldn't shut up about my very, very long day. 

Just as I started to step down from the very tall horse I'd been riding, I worked another meet and greet networking event last Saturday.  A pseudo-client, who I rarely work with as she patrons my company's competition, walked right up and introduced herself.  Although she has never made any attempt to hide the fact that my company is only her second (and sometimes third) choice, she went out of her way to tell me "You take amazing care of clients.  Everyone we have mutually worked with absolutely loves you and I want you to know how much I appreciate it."  Holyfuckingshit. Have I arrived? 

I am grateful my coworkers are like family and I have a great camaraderie among my colleagues and clients.  Truthfully, I don't even think much about going to work.  I am someone who actually enjoys getting up each morning to head to the office.  Because I am on a sort of auto-pilot with my career, it is easy for me to take my accomplishments fore granted.  It is all too easy to overlook the importance of what I do.  Now, I'm not rolling deep just yet.  Who knows if I ever will be.  But I take great pride and solace in knowing that the last 10 years of hard work have paid off at least in the sense of my professional reputation.  Sure, I'm not making the kind of money I would be if I'd finished that engineering degree.  At this point, I have realized I am okay with that. I have a decade of experience in a career I love.  More, I'm good at it.  Not many almost-30-somethings have reached the place I'm in.  And THAT, my dear friends makes my 20's seem just a little less wasted.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Please do not poke the bear


It has been 2 whole weeks since my last post.  In fact, this is the longest I have gone without posting since beginning this blog.  And for that, I feel like crap.  I really do.

The fact is, I have been in a completely miserable and pathetic excuse for a human being since I got sick.  The scary part of Pneumonia was short lived, thanks to my Dr. and the amazing pills she prescribed.  But it's been quite some time since I have been able to NOT hack out a lung while inhaling the cold winter air of this climate.

I have not been able to attend yoga class. Sniffles aside, I actually feel well enough now, but reaching a yogic state while enduring the dirty looks of paranoid germaphobes in their Lululemon pants does not appeal to me.  I have only once joined my BFF Bodhi for a beer at our favorite spot.  I have (though gratefully) had an ass-load of work that has rendered me and my immune system exhausted.  Oh, and just when I thought I might actually try to hike this fluid out of my lungs, winter finally fucking decided to show up and covered all my favorite trails with two feet of snow.

Needless to say, I have been unable to do the things I love most.  The things that make me...me.  The one thing in my life that I have been able to stay somewhat consistent with is The Writer.  Aw...  Go ahead and vomit. He continues to show himself to be a very generous and kind man who just wants to see me smile and for that, I feel blessed.  However, I only said somewhat consistent.  In that I have been a royal bitch and pain in his ass.  I was all whiny, mopey, and demanding while I was sick. In turn, he was forgiving and even told me it was "kinda cute". Now that I'm not bedridden, I am restless.  Yet, snowstorms, sniffles and lung snot are beyond his control so he does his best by watching movies with me and calling AAA when my car gets stuck on the ice outside his apartment.

Through my struggles with the past demons, I readily recognize this pattern.  When I am stripped of my personal pleasures, I tend to sabotage the only thing going right for me.  Whether that be a relationship, my work, or something else entirely.  In reality, I know I am just pissed off at the lack of my pleasurable activities.  A lack that leaves me less able to cope with other imperfect yet unimportant-ly imperfect things in life.  Without my anchors, something as uncontrollable as a snowstorm will toss me into a fit.  I am to the point that if I do not get to yoga class or finish a hike with a hoppy fermented beverage, I may be writing this blog from a padded room. I suppose I just feel a little down that I started this year with such high ambitions, vowing to not repeat old negative habits from my 20's, such as hating life below 40 degrees.  And here I am.  Cold, Vitamin D deficient, tired, and grumpy.

Just wanted to check in.  Perhaps the doom and gloom tone of this post will motivate me to come back at ya with something good.