Yes, it has been a good long while since I have blogged. It makes me happy to say that I have been busy with many wonderful things and needed to take a writing-break while playing catch up. I am so sorry, my dear readers. Please know that you are not the only ones. While experiencing this large personal transition, I have had to put many more of my normal activities on hold. One thing I struggle with is the lack of time with some of my nearest and dearest friends. I have reached out to a few to catch up on life and give my apologies for my absence. Most have been warm and happy to hear from me. Some appear to have given me the brush off. This is my letter to them...
Dearest friends (especially my shenanigan and beer drinking friends), I am sorry for my absence of late. Please do not think that I have forsaken or forgotten you. Quite the contrary.
I imagine a dialogue amongst some of you that may go something like this:
Friend 1: Hey! Have you seen C lately? What's she been up to? I haven't seen her around here stumbling drunk with half a pint of IPA in her hand.
Friend 2: Nope. She got a new man so she ditched us. She will be back when the relationship falls face first into shit.
Sure, I have been spending a good portion of my free time with The Beast. I have no problem admitting that much. But here's the thing. He isn't the only person I would love to spend my time with. He just so happens to be one of the only people willing to accompany me on activities prudent to my personal growth.
As this blog itself is evident, this has been a long period of
self-reflection and self-improvement. I have had some highs and
lows (actually, mostly lows) this year, for all of which I take full responsibility. And in the last couple of months I have realized something big. I spent most of my Twenties (and probably most of my life) wanting in vain to be loved and to have companions who want to spend time with me. I'm not talking about romantic companions, I'm talking about all of you. For years, I would go to concerts and festivals that I loved, but couldn't afford. I would drink like a fish for the social companionship, even though I felt like death the next day. I would eat dinner out with the rest of the group, while healthy and affordable food waiting for me at home. I made my well being a non-priority and did all these things instead, to make you love me. I didn't want to be left behind.
Now, something has flipped in me. I am slowly maturing enough to not only know what I need to do to improve my life, but to also act on it. So yeah, I haven't been drinking with y'all lately. I have missed some of your birthday celebrations. I opted out of concerts and festivals this summer. And in exchange, I have finally started to see the person I am and how I best thrive.
For that, I make no apologies.
I am growing in a way that makes me proud. And those of you closest to me, who know of the demons I have inside, would be proud too. I cherish all of you, my lovely friends. I miss you all terribly. I miss our lengthy slurred conversations in the beer garden. How about we continue some of those chats on a trail? Or in my kitchen? Or after a yoga class? Either way, please know I haven't come to love any of you any less. I just love myself more.
xo
C
